Piratical Heresy
by ShortAtntionSpaz
Summary: Heresy: Controversial or unorthodox. Translation: There are just some things that even a pirate shouldn't do.
1. Default Chapter

A/N This is my first attempt at a pirate story. I must say that I find it to my liking. This one is definitely not the norm for me, so this should be interesting. Oh! and by the way, I found a great site with a great pirate dictionary, and some great history stuff. Here's the site for the dictionary. I found it quite useful.

Enjoy!

~Spaz

~~~

__

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me

We pillage, we plunder we rifle and loot

Drink up me hearties, yo ho 

We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot

Drink up me hearties, yo ho

Jade groaned, _not this song again! _before she chuckled, grinned, and joined in. Oh well, some songs are just classics. This particular classic, was one that she grew up with. It wasn't a song that most people sang as they walked down the street. Actually, if someone were to be singing it as they walked down the street, they were generally to be avoided.

__

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me 

We extort, we pilfer we filch and sack 

Drink up me hearties, yo ho 

Maraud and embezzle and even high-jack 

Drink up me hearties yo ho

Why would something as trifle as a mere song make people avoid someone? Well, because they were usually one of three things: 1.) drunk, 2.) a pirate, or 3.) a drunk pirate.

__

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me 

We kindle and char inflame and ignite 

Drink up me hearties, yo ho 

We burn up the city we're really a fright

Drink up me hearties, yo ho 

Most ordinary women were terrified of pirates. Many ordinary men, for that matter, were terrified of pirates. Jade, however, thought most of them were charming.

__

We're rascals, scoundrels villains, and knaves 

Drink up me hearties yo ho 

We're devils and black sheep - really bad eggs

Drink up me hearties yo ho

Most of them were charming to her, but not too many other women. Well, that was partly because none of the ones that she was acquainted with noticed that she _was_ a woman. Her father owned _The Wooden Leg, _a tavern smack in the middle of Port Royal, and she had grown up accustomed to their ways. Most of the veteran pirates still thought of her as Ol' Rockam's little girl, with not even fleeting thoughts of her old enough for marriage, though she was 19, and past the legal age. And she wasn't ugly, or anything. In fact, she was quite the opposite, with her beautiful wide grin, curly brown hair, and vibrant green eyes that flash when she is passionate about something. No one dared court her, though, since most of the Caribbean's pirates doted on her.

__

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me 

We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads

Drink up me hearties, yo ho 

Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads

Drink up me hearties, yo ho

Jade's father, Thomas Rockam, however did notice that she was an adult, and put her to work running his tavern as soon as he realized her head for business. Not only did she have a head for business, but she had the knack for keeping the place in order, even when it was filled with sea-dogs new to the port, with enough loot from recent pillaging to fund whatever they wanted to do. Some of them were even scared of her. She was described as "a mean lil' cuss, even if she aint more than a mere slip of a girl." Most of her "firsts" had happened in the tavern, first word, (Most everyone heard it as ARRRRR! though her father was convinced that it was mere babble.) Her first steps were coaxed out of her by a first mate with a shiny medallion, and he was so excited that he gave it to her. She even lost her first tooth by tripping over someone's flask and bashing face first into a table leg. Or a wooden leg, no one knew for sure, they were so close together at the time of impact. As she looked around the room, filled with rowdy men, all with questionable hygiene, and varying stages of rotting teeth, she smiled. This was home. Suddenly, a quick movement caught her eye. As she whipped her head around to see better, she saw that one of the pirates had pulled out a pistol and aimed it straight at his tablemate's heart.

"Bartholomew!" Jade cried out in a menacing tone. No one besides Jade would have gotten away with calling "Bloody" Bart Flint by his full first name. Usually, he would have that pistol aimed at the heart of the person that called him that, but with the look in Jade's eyes made him lower his weapon altogether. "You were not about to shoot one of my customers before they paid their tab, were you?"

"He insulted me!" Bloody Bart said to Jade, ironically similar to the way a small child would tattle to his mother. "He said I smell like bilge water!"

"Bart, you _do_ smell like bilge water! You _always _smell like bilge water, you work in the bilge water!" She smirked at him in disbelief.

He scratched his head and said, "Oh... that's right. Sorry matey, I owe you an ale." he said as he tucked his pistol back into his waistband and sat back down.

~~~

It was well known that some pirate's treasures had curses on them. Some were instantaneous death, others were worse. The treasure of Captain Blackbone happened to be one that was cursed, though the cursed one would not know it until it was too late. Blackbone loved the art of retaliation. Sometimes he purposely placed his cursed loot within the grasp of the greedy, for the sole reason of getting it back. He could feel his loot calling to him as he pursued it. It was something petty, a mere pouch or two of gold coins and various precious gems. His real treasure was much vaster than this one. His real treasure had a special curse on it that, hopefully, was never to be employed. His very blood was connected to this treasure. He didn't like to lose his blood. That happened to be his last bitter thought as his enemy's cutlass went through his heart, and his blood drained overboard through the nearest scupper.

~~~

Hunter Sorrigan stood aboard the deck of his new ship. It was not brand new, but it was new to him. His ship was his father's before him, and even though it was not brand new, most of the other ship owners would trade their best ship and their left leg for his ship. It was rumored that his ship was as fast as the legendary Black Pearl, and was outfitted with brand new, specially made, very powerful cannons. The sun was shining through a window of the shop where the magnificent ship was being repaired, and it reflected off of the brightened lettering gracing the stern of the ship. They say that if you mess with the Hunter, you face _The Consequence._ And _The Consequence _always wins. Hunter made sure of that.

~~~

The door of the Quail's Inn burst open, and the knob hit the wall, most likely deepening the hardly noticeable dent that had been there for years. A hush fell over the room as a man strutted through the door. Well, as well as a man with one wooden leg, leaning heavily on a crutch can strut. His gray streaked hair and beard that looked like it hadn't ever been combed, and his three cornered hat, though it was tattered, was set upon his head at a jaunty angle. The grin that he had included a few gold teeth that matched his many medallions that were hanging about his neck. Before the man had made it very far into the barroom, a man near the other side of the restaurant stood, getting ready to banish the scallywag from the fine establishment.

Looking to avoid a scene, Rachel, the owner's daughter hurried to intercept the newcomer. "Sir, I don't think you would find this establishment to your liking." she said, shaking her long blonde hair out of her face.

Thinking that he was being kicked out, he scowled, "And why bloody not?" he growled at her

"Because you just look like a man that likes a good rum." She said, hoping that this was the case, "And the rum here is overpriced."

"What do ye suggest then, lass?" he asked her

"Why, The Wooden Leg, a' course! Ya even get one free drink for havin one of it's namesake! That, and they have the best rum in town." She beamed at him. "I'se on me way there to see an old friend, I'll accompany you if'in you wish." she offered.

"That place sounds right up me alley, I'll give 'er a try." he said, his face brightening with a smile.

"A'ight, hold on while I get me cloak." she said, rushing towards the backroom, going slightly off course to ward off one of the inn's regulars, Mr. Dirkenson, from kicking out her new friend. 

After pulling the flowing cloak across her shoulders, Rachel kissed her father (who was standing in the back checking inventory) on the cheek, and announced that she was off to visit her friend Jade, and that she would most likely spend the night at her house.

As they were leaving, the old man opened the door, and after following her out to the street, offered his arm to her. 

"Aren't you a fine gentleman!" Rachel commented as she hooked her hand on his outstretched elbow.

He blushed, and said, "Aww, shucks. It's jest a common courtesy. "

"Well, thank you, sir."

"I don't recollect ever bein' called sir in my 'ol life! Nearly everyone calls me Unsteady Fletcher."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Fletcher, my name is Rachel."

"What is a fine lass like yerself doin goin tavern hopping at this time ah da day?"

"My father owns The Quail, and an ol' friend a mine, her father owns The wooden Leg. I spend a lot of time there, it's not nearly as stuffy as The Quail."

"Ahhh, I wuz wondering why it was that sich a finely dressed lass of means would be talkin more like a sea-dog than a lady." he said, looking at her dressed in a finely tailored off white dress with purple flowers that accented her thin, willowy frame.

"I find it to me liking. I jest have ta be careful not to let it slip when I'm around my father. He finds it unsettling when his baby girl used nautical terms that he doesn't understand." she said with a laugh.

~~~

Whistling as she wiped the tables down, Jade nodded to her friend Rachel as she came in, accompanied by a man that she had never seen before.

"Bringin us another one of yer customers?" Jade's voice sang out across the room with a laugh.

"He heard rumors of your fine rum!" Rachel laughed, walking over to embrace her old friend. Eying the full room, she offered, "Iffen ya got a frock I kin borrow, I'll get out of this fancy one and make myself useful."

"Blimey, yer a lifesaver! Ya remember where they're kept, right?" Jade asked her.

"Sure do, I'll be right back down in a flash. Oh, an' I told Mister Fletcher about his free drink for the namesake." she said, motioning to her new friend, now seated at a table in full conversation with a group of others.

Rachel grinned and greeted a table full of pirates as she went through the door into the kitchen. She waved a greeting to Three-Fingered Pete, the cook, before taking the steps to the living quarters upstairs. 

She went through the third door on the left, shutting the door behind her. The first thing she did was to sit on the edge of the bed, and remove the shoes that had been pinching her toes all day. Walking over to Jade's wardrobe, she opened the double doors, and pulled out a more casual outfit. When she was at The Quail, she was required to dress to certain standards. She hated standards that she was not allowed to negotiate. After pulling off her starched blouse, and unknotting her corset, she could finally breathe! She stripped down to her camisole, and rummaged through Jade's drawers to find a more comfortable blouse, without the hated starch. She tucked the blouse into a freely flowing skirt, slipped her feet into comfortable tall leather boots , and topped it all off with a vest that she was always fond of borrowing. Sighing with contentment, she stored her own clothing in it's usual spot in Jade's bottom drawer, and made her way back downstairs.

Jade was in the kitchen giving Three Fingered Pete a lecture about cooking without sampling everything. Pete gained his name because of the loss of the middle finger of his left hand in a freak rigging accident, and the fact that he can't count.

"I can't serve this sandwich, it has a big bite out of it!" she told him.

"But it's for Blazes, he don't care!" he protested, with a shake of his head that made his ear length brown hair fly about.

With a shrug, Jade agreed, "That's true... but don't let it happen again!" she said, picking up the plate with the bitten sandwich.

"Jade!" Rachel called out, and as soon as Jade was looking, Rachel announced, "Look what I can do!" and proceeded to lift her shoulders up and down with a grin on her face.

"I don't see how you kin stand to be tied up all day in one of them corsets, ya can't breathe in one of 'em"

"My Mum told me 'dat I'd get used ta it."

"Yeah, but yer mum really likes to sit and do cross stitch all day, poking the needle into her fingertips. An' her blood aint even got the guts ta defy her, it never spills onto the fabric!"

"I swear, I don't know how my father turned out bein a match to her. He's one of the most illogical, preposterously spontaneous people I know."

"That's where you came from, my dear friend." Jade said, slipping her arm across Rachel's shoulders. "Come on, they're askin for ya."

~~~

Hunter smiled. His ship was finally ready. The fresh coat of paint was dry, and all of the barnacles had been scraped off of her rump, and anything that resembled a hole or a crack was repaired, whether it needed it or not.. He had been itching to leave for weeks, and finally, everything was almost ready. Now, all he had to do, was have his crew load the ship. It wasn't hard to find a crew. His father was famous for being loyal and fair to his mates, and Blackbone's son was rumored to be just like his father in that aspect. He had the luxury of picking his crew, since as soon as word got out that he needed able bodied men, they traveled from near and far to be there for the picking.

One they call Headless Bill was one of them. They call him Headless, because he doesn't seem to have much of a brain sometimes, and is a loudmouth with no brain to back it up, but always good for a laugh. He's the originator of stating the obvious. If you tell him to do something, an he trusts you, he'll do it. He's a very hard worker, once you get him to concentrate on his work. 

And then there was Lucky. This accident prone guy has broken nearly every bone in his body. he has a missing finger, a glass eye, and enough scars to make him look like a treasure map. In fact, he has been kidnapped because people think he is a treasure map. Apparently he leads people to the British naval station. They know him well, and thank him every time for the whole crews of miscreants that he has brought to them. Lucky is a hard nosed, gruff man, unafraid of anything, and never shows any emotions.

Plagued with allergies, Double fisted Darren always wears long sleeves to wipe his nose on. He's quiet, and unobtrusive, always thinking and pondering things, and sitting and noticing things. If there is something to be known, ask this guy, he knows it. He can remember all the details of anything, no matter if he understands them or not. They call him Double fisted Darren, because he always walks around with his fists balled up at his sides. This actually is an advantage to him, since he is always ready for a fight, and always gets in the first hit.

Barnaby is always seen with a smile on his face. Optimistic and carefree, never shows when something's troubling him. He once walked into a surgeon's office and made small talk with one of the assistants for 20 minutes before passing out from the blood loss from a deep knife wound. He doesn't like to show if he's in a bad mood, or something upsets him, he sees it as a weakness. Never a complainer.

He know that the thief was somewhere to the southwest of him. A wave of impatience hit him, and he went through his checklist once again, trying to decide between each of the applicants, and making sure that everything that was needed was there. Shayne Steel, Hunter's longtime friend was to be his second in command. They had a deal that when one of them got their first ship, the other would be second in command. Even though the vow was made when they were six and seven, Hunter stood by it. Shayne was trustworthy to his allies, and ruthless to his enemies, a good combination in the business of revenge, or piracy.

Shayne had been working as a gunsmith until he had received word of Hunter's new inheritance. Outside of a good, sturdy ship, when his father was killed, and his prize possession stolen, Hunter was unleashed as his father's ticket for revenge. Shayne and Hunter grew up together. When they were younger, they were inseparable, and most of the town was convinced that they were brothers, even though they look nothing alike. Hunter has a sturdy, yet thin frame, and acts impulsively after thinking about something for a very short time. He has short, yet unruly light brown hair, and greyish blue eyes like the sea on a stormy day. Shayne, on the other hand, is taller, with a slender, bony frame that hides the amount of muscle he has. He is much stronger than he looks. His black hair hangs down to hic collar, and naturally curls just right on the ends. His eyes are dark as midnight, and the iris sometimes gets lost, it's color almost swirling with the pupil. He is a quiet thinker that completely rationalizes his thoughts before he does anything.

~~~

"I object!" a scruffy looking man with an eye patch hollered as he read the writing on the wall in The Wooden Leg. "A tavern tis' not the place for rues." He said, settling himself more firmly on the seat that he had brought for himself, a flat topped treasure box.

"Well, why not?" asked Lester, one of the regulars, looking up at the sign on the wall:

-Smoking is permitted as long as you don't set fire to the place. In the event of a fire, the owner shall be paid in full for damages

-Brawling with fists is fine. No weapons to be used against a customer with an outstanding tab.

-If anyone is killed, their property/ loot becomes the property of The Wooden Leg.

-If you break a table, you owe the price of one and one half tables. The same goes for other property.

-No drinking from the taps.

-There shall be no accosting of women without their consent.

"I should be able to do whatever I want to on land." the stranger said over his half full mug, eying Jade as she walked across the room handing out mugs of frothy liquid. When she got closer, he completely defied the rules by smacking her on the bottom. 

Before she could slap him, almost everyone in the room had pulled out their pistol, and the sound of everyone cocking their guns echoed around the room.

"You wouldn't shoot a man for that!" the stranger chuckled. before he stood, clasping Jade around the neck and tried to kiss her cheek.

More than 10 guns fired, and miraculously, no stray bullets hit anything other than the stranger, who was dead before he hit the ground.

"Well," called out three fingered Pete from the kitchen doorway, "Jade, it be lookin like you'se the owner of that lovely chest." he said, motioning to the stranger's belongings.

"I shot him, I shot him!" cried out Red Razzle, a giant of a man with bunches of bushy red hair. 

"Oh, good, that means you get to take care of it, then!" Jade scowled at him. "And quit killing my customers!"

~~~

A/N: Well, do I pass inspection? *salutes*

I'll give you a gold star, and promote you if you review! You want to be a one star reviewer, don't you? Don't you? :-D Oh, and if you mention in your review that you truly understand the title, and tell me where that comes from, you get another gold star!


	2. Chapter two

A/N: Woot, I'm actually posting another chapter! By the way, the guessing game for the first title is over. "We are supposed to be talking about piratey things" was a really cool title, but alas, I think that it just doesn't give the story a good reputation. Methinks that I needed a smidgeon bit more serious name. But thank you to Delphie, Katie, and TheCap'nOftheBlackPearl, who understood the title, and are now official two star reviewers!!! Congrats!

Delphie- :-D I'm glad you liked it. See your stars, right there? You're wonderful.

Kennyon: I doubt I could live without my ravings about the most interesting things either. Good luck with those angry sailors and their evil attempts to turn those dolphins into circus performers for the French. Darn those sailors.

Katie- Love the listed e-mail addy.

TheCap'nOftheBlackPearl- doesn't writing your name get a little bit old sometimes? I feel your pain, really, I do. You know how when you have to log into anything, they have you use your e-mail address? Well, try typing in whenever you need to log on… Anywhoos, the pirates that don't do anything is my favorite veggie tales song!

Freak and proud- Thanks. Here's your update. :-D

* * *

Razz came back not even ten minutes later, since all he did was walk to the end of the dock and drop the body over the side. But before he sent him to the bottom of Davy Jones locker, he searched his pockets, and grabbed anything of value, including a slightly large pouch from around the dead man's neck.

* * *

Hunter sat straight up in bed. If he were to correctly interpret this feeling, the man he was chasing, just died. But after a few moments, he realized that what he was seeking was now in the possession of another. He settled down and fall back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Three fingered Pete helped Jade drag the heavy chest up the stairs and they set it in the hallway between Jade's room and her father's, up against the wall.

"Later I'll empty it into the closet, this is a smart chest for my room, it'll match perfectly." Jade commented as they walked back down the stairs in time to see Razz come back into the room.

"'Ere Jade, dis was on 'im" he said, tossing the pouch to her.

"I'll put it away later." she said, slipping the cord around her neck before she went to make her rounds, filling up the empty mugs around the room.

* * *

Jack shook his head to try and clear the cobwebs from his mind. When that didn't work, he flailed his arms in front of his face to knock them down. He only succeeded in knocking himself over.

"You give a wonderful party!" he insisted to the figurehead at the front of the ship, while his head stuck out through the railing around the bow of the ship. "Excellent rum, Love!" he said, raising his bottle to the figurehead, and taking a swig from the bottle.

"After a somewhat lengthy conversation between Jack and his new friend, Cotton walked up behind Jack, with his bird on his shoulder.

Cotton grabbed Jack by the shoulders, and hoisted him to his feet.

While Jack was struggling to keep his balance, the bird squawked, "On yer feet, matey."

Annamaria walked around the side of the ship just in time to see Jack motion to the figurehead, and say, "Where are your manners, you are in the presence of a lady!"

"As the only lady on this ship," Annamaria said, "I'm ordering you to retire to the captains quarters. I'll make sure no one disturbs you until you come out. You are going to have one nasty hangover." She said as she half dragged him to his quarters, pulling the bottle out of his grasp, and setting it on a crate on the way.

"Now, get some rest!" she ordered before shutting the door and walking out across the deck, enjoying the moonlight.

"She's gone!" Jack whispered to himself. "I should go find her, she knows where the rum is!" he snickered as he slipped through the door, letting it shut behind him. He didn't get very fat though, before he stumbled, knocking an empty apple barrel, and himself, overboard.

Hearing the splash, Annamaria and Cotton both rushed to see what had fallen.

"Oh well, we were gonna toss the barrel tomorrow anyway, it was empty. Annamaria said, and they both walked away from the edge, just as Jack's head surfaced.

"Ohhh, 'tis a minute life boat!" Jack said as he climbed inside the barrel, and passed out.

* * *

Razz snorted, asleep with his face smushed into the tabletop. He was the last customer in the tavern. Jade poked him on the arm to wake him up, but he didn't move.

"Come on, Razz, I don't wanna haul you out and toss you into the gutter! You know it's closing time." She said, jabbing him in the arm again.

Rachel had been going around the room wiping tables, and when she got to the table Razz was sitting at, she smiled at Jade, then proceeded to wipe off his table, hitting his face with then ends of the cold, wet rag as she swirled it around the table.

"AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" he awoke with a start.

"Oh, good, you're awake, now you can leave, and let us finish closing!" Jade grinned at her staggering, inebriated friend as he stood.

"Sure!" he said, breathing in her face, and turning towards the door, leaving her standing there, fanning herself, and trying to get the stench away from her.

"G'night, Razz." Rachel bid him as he staggered out into the street.

With a yawn, Rachel shut the door. "Are you as tired as I am?"

With a sleepy smile, Jade answered, "Aye friend, that I am. Let's go get some shut eye."

With a nod, Rachel followed her up the stairs. When they got up there, Jade saw the new chest she had gotten, "I gotta move this outta the hall, or my father will kill me, will you help me?" Jade asked, grabbing a handle.

Rachel followed suit, and grabbed the other handle, and they brought it into Jade's room, and set it on her bed.

"I wonder what it is..." Rachel wondered.

"Ah, the majority of the time, it's just somethin in it to make it heavy for looks. A pirate with a treasure chest is a show off, and most likely flat broke. I have gotten the weirdest things in chests left behind, or something. One time I got one full of fresh bread, an' we served it to the customers for a week."

Rachel laughed, "Well then, I'm curious, lets open it."

"Ah, BILGEWATER!" Jade grumbled, "It's locked!"

"What do you do if it's locked?" Rachel asked her.

"You do this..." she said, taking a hair pin from her hair, and picking the lock. She pulled open the lid, revealing a huge amount or actual real treasure, doubloons, precious gems, decorative golden candlesticks and such.

"Well, that's most definitely a surprise!" said Jade.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked Rachel.

"For now, I'm going to put it under the floorboards in my closet, and use the chest to store clothes in."

With a laugh, Rachel said, "All right, but then we're going to sleep! I'm exhausted."


End file.
